Why Won’t You Apologize?

Posted on 04 April 2017 by Harriet Lerner

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language I m sorry and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.Dr Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies and why some people won t give them forthan two decades Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we ve inflicted or received is far from simple Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful I m sorry and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury Why Won t You Apologizealso addresses the compelling needs of the injured party the one who has been hurt by someone who won t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse Lerner explains what drives both the non apologizer and the over apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity saving guide to setting things right. Download Why Won’t You Apologize? – kino-fada.fr Why Won t You Apologized , examines The Many Faces of I m Sorry For two decades Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies She s learned a few things witnessed tremendous powerful rewards from a heartfelt apology as well as the damage a bad apology can cause The healing power of a good apology is immediately recognizable Anger and resentment melts away It feels better to be connected than disconnected.but as Harriet says, we re all apology challenged with certain people and i Why Won t You Apologized , examines The Many Faces of I m Sorry For two decades Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies She s learned a few things witnessed tremendous powerful rewards from a heartfelt apology as well as the damage a bad apology can cause The healing power of a good apology is immediately recognizable Anger and resentment melts away It feels better to be connected than disconnected.but as Harriet says, we re all apology challenged with certain people and in some situations How many of us say Hi, My name is.I m...We ve all witnessed, orlikely experienced firsthand, the power of an apology A sincere apology can repair damage done, while an insincere, or even absent apology, can cause further hurt that hits us harder than the deed that should be apol...3.5 an important conversation to begin stars All of us have been hurt by strangers and loved ones alike These hurts take up a disproportionate amount of our interior lives and are sometimes the cause of dysfunctional ways of being in the world, in our relationships and with ourselves Dr Lerner begins a very important conversation about the nature of hurt, betrayals, apologies and forgiveness She bitten off a huge topic and in a pleasant and vaguely helpful way discusses the nature of th 3.5 an important conversation to begin stars All of us have been hurt by strangers and loved ones alike These hurts take up a disproportionate amount of our interior lives and are sometimes the cause of dysfunctional ways of being in the world, in our relationships and with ourselves Dr Lerner begins a very important conversation about the nature of hurt, betrayals, apologies and forgiveness She bitten off a huge topic and in a pleasant and vaguely helpful way discusses the nature of the above with research, clinical examples and her own lived experience The writing is accessible and interesting but s...5 stars Harriet Lerner s latest book is filled with points on apology the bogus apology, the overlong apology, holding off on the use of BUT and IF which are dealbreakers, and when and how to give and accept an olive branch Earnest, honest considerate apologies retain connection in relationships, demonstrate respect and maturely express accountability And most people have a hard time letting go to offer an apology Lerner covers that andin her very informative book I was hoping to fin 5 stars Harriet Lerner s latest book is filled with points on apology the bogus apology, the overlong apology, holding off on the use of BUT and IF which are dealbreakers, and when and how to give and accept an olive branch Earnest, honest considerate apologies retain connection in relationships, demonstrate respect and maturely express accountability And most people have a hard time letting go to offer an apology Lerner covers that andin her very informative book I was hoping to find something a bit different than that, wise advice that it is And eventually, on page 143 of this 190 page guide, I did, plusI m an apologizer, an anomaly in my original family It was a family that didn t talk about the big stuff, a mom who shut down from my non apologizing father, siblings who took cues on how to hold power and I le...Quick review for a quick read It took me around 4 or so hours to read through this thought provoking psychological read on the dissection of apologies Topics that Harriet Lerner approaches in this book include what constitutes an apology and what doesn t , what the types of apologies are, when and how to give them, why people don t give them, and the reception of apologies on a number of different levels I also like the fact that this narrative mentions that you don t need to forgive someone Quick review for a quick read It took me around 4 or so hours to read through this thought provoking psychological read on the dissection of apologies Topics that Harriet Lerner approaches in this book include what constitutes an apology and what doesn t , what the types of apologies are, when and how to give them, why people don t give them, and the reception of apologies on a number of different levels I also like the fact that this narrative mentions that you don t need to forgive someone for a wrongdoing in order to move forward from it which is well intentioned advice, but not a one size fits all for every person and situation I like the fact that this book unpacks so many different scenarios with empathy, detail, cultural references, and application I didn t have previous expectations as to what to get out of this brief read, but it left me with much to think about long after I finish...Sensible, clear and wise advice, with humour and honesty throughout Just what I needed to read and think about Many clear examples and suggested scripts A balanced approach, without much of the quasi mystical gobbledy gook of many self help books on this topic.This book deserves 5 solid stars, and I don t give out 5 stars very often This book is invaluable to anyone who has friends and or family in their lives who lack luster in the apology department It covers both big hurts, such as deep seeded wounds of child abuse, as well as smaller offenses, such as a friend not saying thank you when you pick up the check I have people in my life who behave this way and I find it very frustrating For this reason, I decided to read the book for myself as well This book deserves 5 solid stars, and I don t give out 5 stars very often This book is invaluable to anyone who has friends and or family in their lives who lack luster in the apology department It covers both big hurts, such as deep seeded wounds of child abuse, as well as smaller offenses, such as a friend not saying thank you when you pick up the check I have people in my life who behave this way and I find it very frustrating For this reason, I decided to read the book for myself as well as a possible recommendation for my clients I don t like to recommend a book to a client if I myself haven t read it from cover to cover So there I went plowing away at this book , turning the pages and devouring the wisdom ...Reading this book was kind of a wake up call for me Before I read this book, I couldn t even recall how many times in my life that I said sorry to the other people that they couldn t accept I got hurt and frustrated so often thinking that the other party did not have the willingness to fix the problems while I wanted to I would easily jump to conclusions that the other people were being difficult or they just wanted to prolong the fight The thing was that I was never aware of how insincere Reading this book was kind of a wake up call for me Before I read this book, I couldn t even recall how many times in my life that I said sorry to the other people that they couldn t accept I got hurt and frustrated so often thinking that the other party did not have the willingness to fix the problems while I wanted to I would easily jump to conclusions that the other people were being difficult or they just wanted to prolong the fight The thing was that I was never aware of how insincere some of my apologies may have sounded or they actually were Which is why this book came to rescue Ever since I started reading this book, I got this conscious angel on ...Go read this now It will make you a better person And then you ll give it to someone else to make them a better person.Super helpful and lots of examples She mentions other cultures views on apologies but then re centres one view and I wish there was a bitspace left for the former But still, worth readingThis is life changing Harriet Lerner manages to articulate everything that goes so deeply and to me before I read this book, inexplicably wrong with relationships all in a 4 hour book about apologies I loved this so much that I am going to buy the hard copy as well.A slender volume full of generous insights into good and bad apologies how to frame a deeply meaningful one how to identify weaselly insincere ones when to accept, when not to, and how to go about it how to express hurt and pain how to hold the conversation that comes after and what the elusive term forgiveness means and doesn t mean As to that last point, it s a myth that there s no peace or healing without forgiveness Many paths roll up to the door of being able to let go, and th A slender volume full of generous insights into good and bad apologies how to frame a deeply meaningful one how to identify weaselly insincere ones when to accept, when not to, and how to go about it how to express hurt and pain how to hold the conversation that comes after and what the elusive term forgiveness means and doesn t mean As to that last point, it s a myth that there s no peace or healing without forgiveness Many paths roll up to the door of being able to let go, and the one labelled forgiveness may not always be the best one Beware the forgiveness police, s...This was a great book about how apologies should work, and the many reasons they don t, between mostly functional human beings who usually care about each other, and when and when not to forgive someone.I like to say that a real apology has five parts 1 the words I m sorry or I apologize, 2 a description of what offence was committed, 3 an acknowledgement of the damage that offence caused, 4 a promise not to do it again, and 5 some kind of description of how that promise will be kept This was a great book about how apologies should work, and the many reasons they don t, between mostly functional human beings who usually care about each other, and when and when not to forgive someone.I like to say that a real apology has five parts 1 the words I m sorry or I apologize, 2 a description of what offence was committed, 3 an acknowledgement of the damage that offence caused, 4 a promise not to do it again, and 5 some kind of description of how that promise will be kept So I m so sorry I spent 5k in Vegas last weekend and then lied and said I spent onl...

English
04 April 2017

Harriet Lerner